Warm and sunny, the day had began. The leap of my brother on me, awoke me swiftly. My mum worked late so she was never up in time. Dragging my tired body out of bed , with my brother clung on like a koala, It was time to get everything ready. The mornings always happened so quickly, Before i knew it , the time to go had come. This was the time i dreaded, each and every morning. Regardless, i walked out feeling as if my heart was in my throat. The group of boys approached me, I knew the first one was coming.
“Did you fall over in dirt this morning” He said.
“Bro, how can you even afford a school bag” Another exclaimed. “What smells and looks like shit ?” He asked,
“A Maori” They all yelled, as they ran away.
I felt the tears emerge from my eyes, My face tightened as my chest sunk deep down into my body. This was my upbringing, This was the way i was treated because of the colour my skin was. Comments being thrown at me like i was in a constant game of dodgeball. Day after day, I took comment after comment. With these constant insults being projected on to me throughout my whole childhood, My brain was consumed by them and i began to believe i was all the things they had said.
I lay in bed one night, Thoughts running backwards and forwards through my brain like a wrecking ball. Their comments still ringing in my ears like Big Ben on a silent day. My heart plummeted at the thought that i could never fit in. Although it sounded bad, I wanted other people to feel my pain. I had an urge to stand up for my self, In saying that my body trembled at the thought of actioning anything. I put my fears aside, I had been miserable for too long. I told myself, I would stand up for not only myself, But my culture.
Monday morning rolled around quicker than expected. There i lay, Wide awake, Never more ready for a day to start. One foot out the door, Then the other, Off to school i went. I felt the boys presence emerge from the distance. My heart begun thumping out of my chest. Knees weakened. Hands shook. Uncontrollable breathing. All concentration was distorted. Should i do this? Is it worth it? The decision getting shot around my head like a bullet.
“Oi Maori boy” He yelled.
My head remained down.
“Nice shoes, You must of stolen them”, “No way you could afford them with the dysfunctional family you have!” He continued with.
My blood boiled, The anger rushed to me quicker than ever before. I took a deep breath, Filling my lungs and body.
My head rose, Body turned, Lips narrowed in, Eyebrows begun to draw in towards the centre of my face, My eyes glared with pain, Everything seemed to almost slow down. As my fist rose i asked myself one last time if this was what i wanted to do. It happened so quickly. Over in the blink of an eye. Once second he was standing, The next on the floor. I saw them all run towards him with their faces full of worry.
I ran. The adrenaline shot through my body like jolts of electricity. I couldn’t believe that i had done that. My body felt as if it was slowly turning to jelly. A tree caught my eye, I rushed towards it. There i sat, Under the bright green leaves, Moving in the wind like the ocean. My knuckle pulsated with pain, But my heart was filled with joy. I finally felt satisfied with everything. Consequences didn’t even cross my mind. I was finally happy.
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